The Pattern of Self-Sacrifice Is Not Sustainable Leadership

The pattern of self-sacrifice is a topic I write about in my latest ebook, “Prioritize Your Calling: A Quick-Start Guide to Becoming a Life Coach with Credibility, Purpose, and a Clear Path Forward.” You can download it for free here.

For many women, especially those in leadership roles, self-sacrifice becomes a defining part of their identity.

It’s not something they consciously chose, and often, it’s not something they even question. It begins early—being praised for being helpful, mature, responsible. That praise forms a pattern: the more you give, the more you’re seen as good, trustworthy, valuable.

Over time, this pattern becomes internalized. You start measuring your value by what you’re doing for others. You stay late, you manage things no one else notices, you offer emotional labor without expecting anything in return. This becomes your norm. Your sense of self-worth is tied directly to how much you’re willing to carry.

But the long-term cost of this is high. Self-sacrifice—especially when it’s habitual and unconscious—becomes a limiting identity. It prevents growth. It can block women from even considering new chapters for themselves, particularly something as personal and transformational as becoming a coach.

I’ve seen this pattern repeatedly in women who feel the desire to coach but never give themselves permission to pursue it. It’s not because they lack clarity or ability. It’s because they’ve built their entire life around other people’s needs. Any desire that puts them in the center feels, on some level, wrong.

And yet, they feel the call. They want to take what they’ve learned and help others. They want to coach—but they keep delaying, deferring, rationalizing. They think they’ll do it when life gets quieter, or when others need them less. But the truth is: the pattern doesn’t break on its own. You have to interrupt it.

That’s why I wrote “Prioritize Your Calling” as a practical starting point for women who are ready to examine the systems—both external and internal—that have kept them from stepping into their next role. It outlines what coaching actually requires, what certification looks like, and how to begin thinking differently about time, energy, and purpose.

There’s a section in the book that looks specifically at how self-sacrifice gets rewarded, and why it becomes so difficult to stop.

I also write about the toll this takes—not just on the woman herself, but on the legacy she leaves. When self-neglect becomes normalized, it gets passed on. Daughters learn it. Colleagues expect it. Communities absorb it.

The choice to prioritize your calling is not just about ambition. It’s about realignment. It’s about deciding that service doesn’t have to come at the expense of self.

If you’ve been carrying everyone else’s needs for a long time, and you’re ready to look at what it would mean to carry your own purpose alongside them, I hope you’ll start here.

You can download the ebook here.