The Shadow Side of Strength: Control, Trust, and the Women Who Carry Too Much

One of the most common patterns I see in women who are drawn to coaching is a deeply ingrained need for control. Not because they’re rigid or domineering, but because they’ve had to be strong for so long — often starting in childhood — that trusting others simply didn’t feel like an option.

These women have built their lives around being the reliable one. The one who holds it all together. The one who gets things done. And while that strength has served them, it’s also left very little room for flexibility, rest, or support.

At the surface level, it looks like responsibility. It even looks like leadership. But underneath it, there’s usually a belief that says: If I don’t handle this, no one else will.

That belief tends to follow them into every area of life — relationships, family, work, even spirituality. And when the idea of becoming a coach shows up, it creates tension. Because saying yes to this path often requires letting go of some of that control.

It asks them to trust a process they don’t fully manage. It asks them to invest in something that doesn’t give immediate returns. And it asks them to believe that they can be supported, not just relied on.

For women who have spent decades being the source of everyone else’s strength, that’s a difficult shift. Their default mode is to manage, to plan, to fix, and to anticipate. So the idea of surrendering — even just a little — can feel unsafe.

But the truth is, the refusal to trust others, to delegate, or to allow life to support them, isn’t just a stress response. It’s a spiritual blockage.

What I’ve seen is that when a woman insists on doing everything herself, she’s avoiding disappointment but at the same time, she’s cutting herself off from something bigger– for example, from the people in her life who are capable and willing; and from the natural flow of support that exists when we stop micromanaging… And most importantly, from her connection to Source.

Don’t do that, friend. It’s time to look at this seriously.

There’s a kind of spiritual arrogance hidden in the belief that everything depends on her. And I say that with full compassion, because I’ve seen it up close in incredibly kind, generous, service-oriented women. But the impulse to control is still a symptom of mistrust — in others, in the world, and often in God.

The thing I want you to understand is that learning to let go, even a little, isn’t about becoming passive. It’s about acknowledging that you are not the only force holding the world together — and that maybe, some of the pressure you feels is self-imposed.

This is one of the deeper shifts that coaching can offer. It becomes a space where women not only learn how to lead others, but also how to stop overfunctioning. They begin to practice being supported. They start trusting the process — not just their own effort. And that, in itself, is a form of healing.

Women who come to coaching often think they need to learn new skills — and they do. But what many of them actually need is to unlearn the belief that their control is what keeps everything afloat.

When that happens, something else opens up– space, clarity, and creativity. And the ability to move forward in their calling without carrying all the weight alone.

And this is truly BADASS!

Right. Now, friend, you’ve supported everyone else. Don’t you think it’s time to support your Soul? Take the “Life Coach Readiness Quiz” to understand where you stand in your journey and receive a customized result — including a meaningful, aligned next step you can take to move closer to the coaching life that excites you.