Reform Your “Responsibility Identity”: Understanding the Deeper Roots of the Woman Who Carries It All

One thing I’ve learned about the women who are called to become life coaches is that they don’t come to this path by accident.

They’ve lived all manner of things and held things together. They’ve been through things they rarely talk about — and when they do, they often minimize the impact. They say things like, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “Other people had it worse.” 

But underneath that, there’s usually a pattern that runs all the way back to childhood: She learned how to be responsible far too early.

Maybe it was because of a chaotic home or there were parents who weren’t emotionally available. Or maybe there was a sibling who needed more attention, or a family system that rewarded being the quiet, capable one. 

Whatever the specifics, she figured out very young that the safest way to move through the world was to be dependable, helpful, and strong. It’s how she survived — and eventually, how she succeeded.

Now, as an adult, this woman has built a life around that identity. 

She’s the one people lean on, at home, at work… In every environment, she knows how to take charge and make things happen. And she’s good at it! 

But being capable became her default — and eventually, her whole identity.

That’s where the problem starts. 

Because when a woman like her lives her life as the one who carries everything, it becomes difficult — even threatening — to imagine putting something down– especially if that “something” is someone else’s need. 

UGH! Hahaha! Can you do it? 

I find it really hard!! What? Shorten Apollo’s walk by 15 minutes so I can get my book chapter written and turned in on time? 

So when the Soul starts speaking — when the idea of becoming a life coach begins to rise — it doesn’t feel like a welcome expansion. It feels like a conflict. Not because she doesn’t want it, but because she’s afraid that by pursuing it, something else will fall apart.

She tells herself things like:

– “I can’t afford to be selfish right now.”

– “Maybe when the kids are older.”

– “My job needs me.”

– “There’s too much going on.”

But what’s actually happening is deeper than logistics. It’s an identity conflict.

The version of her that has always been the helper — the one who absorbed other people’s pain, anticipated their needs, and earned her value through responsibility — doesn’t know how to step aside and make room for the version of her that wants to be a guide, a leader, a paid coach.

And that’s where the real work begins.

Becoming a life coach isn’t just a career shift. For women like this, it’s an identity reformation. It’s a healing process. It asks her to look at the belief systems she’s carried since childhood — the ones that told her she had to hold it all, fix it all, and earn her place through self-sacrifice.

That’s why the calling feels so spiritual. It is spiritual.

Because at its core, it’s not just about helping others. It’s about helping others without disappearing in the process. It’s about giving from a place of purpose, not from a place of obligation. And it’s about letting her wisdom — the kind that was forged through real life, not textbooks — become a tool for healing, instead of a weight she quietly carries.

She’s not called to coach because she’s perfect, but because she knows what it feels like to hold pain and move through it. Because she’s already been doing this work behind the scenes — with friends, family, coworkers — for years.

The invitation now is to step into it more fully. Not to become someone else, but to finally allow herself to be all of who she is — a woman who knows how to carry, yes… but also how to lead, to teach, and to transform.