I have a secret crush. I was really overwhelmed by the feelings of envy that arose in me as I witnessed his adventures from afar. Little pangs of heartbreak rose up in my chest and I let the sadness overtake me.
But then, something perked up inside me– something powerful and clear. It said, “Hey, do you realize that he is showing you what you want?” My immediate response was yes, and he’s breaking my heart. 
🙁
Well, that thing said very strongly, “No! You’re confused. You think it’s HIM that you want, but actually, you want the joy of connection, adventure, intimacy and romance that he allows himself to experience. He is holding a mirror to you so you can see who YOU are. Free yourself by taking your attention off of him and placing it on what he represents– this thing exists inside of you.”
Well, when I did this, I realized that I actually have wonderful adventures, but sometimes, I deny myself more powerful connections because of rules and boundaries that I have established out of low self-esteem and self-preservation rather than self-expansion. I have, in so many ways, painted myself into a corner with all my requirements and prerequisites. Too many rules have made Crystal Lynn a dull girl.
The message is for me to relax the rules and allow in more mystery. The experiences and the connection and intimacy my crush showed me were actually more valuable to me than the man himself. This secret crush does not know that I have these feelings. He may not realize that I exist (although he might because someone has been talking to me in my dreams.) But these pangs of desire he stirs in me are awesome and have helped me to dig deeper into mySelf for the love I need.
When you’re experiencing a feeling of envy, realize that it is a blessing. That feeling of sadness in your heart is actually your soul firing off a notice to the Universe saying, “I want that thing!” If you feel sad or shameful or angry about any part of the experience, then you are turning away from the gift of knowing what you want. Essentially, you are saying NO to the Universe. But if you dive deep into the feeling of envy with a grateful heart, acknowledging that you want it with a mind that knows it will receive it, then you are saying YES to the Universe. The Law of Attraction will give you what you want, but your attitude is the gatekeeper. Make a servant of your shadow. Let it serve your desire.
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Hi there! My name is Crystal Lynn Bell and I am a Spiritual Empowerment Coach. I'm currently living in Paris, doing my coaching, writing my book, and studying French language and culture at the Sorbonne. I love Paris and I'm excited to be hosting a retreat here this winter called 
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I love this piece about envy. I am filled with envy and jealously at the good fortune of an acquaintance of mine. Dealing with extreme feelings of self hatred and disgust at feeling so mean spirited when someone else deserves to be happy has helped not at all. This article has given me a new perspective on the situation. Forget about the person. How fabulous is that thought, that it’s not the person after all but rather the circumstances I desire for myself. Thank you Crystal Lynn.
Hey, Beautiful Susan! Thank you for your heartfelt comments. It helps me to know that I am not alone in my feelings of envy, especially coming from a beautiful soul like you. But yes! I am really learning that those feelings of envy are really my own heart crying out to take action on my own magnificence. Big, big hug to you, Beauty. <3
I forgot to say that it’s the line about making my shadow my servant that really resonated with me.
Excellent. Thank you!