The Shadow of Illegitimacy


Yesterday in Shadow Work, I went deep and discovered the last remnant of anguish for this cycle of my life. It was a deep vein of illegitimacy.

I was born an ‘illegitmate child’– fatherless. The father laid no claim, and therefore, I was not fully birthed in the world. Although I have had tremendous good fortune and the blessings of the angels, there was still a large part of my psyche that was disconnected, feeling unworthy, and oddly half-assed.

For all my life, I could not figure out why I couldn’t find deep and meaningful connection with the material world. I have roamed the earth as elusive as a ghost. Ungrounded, unfounded and alone. Things like deep and meaningful success, committed and rich relationships, and a feeling of community eluded me. I couldn’t connect to the world around me because deep in the shadows of my consciousness lurked a pit of anguish called ‘illegitimacy.’

The Unconscious Mind is a funny thing. it is a cauldron of memories, symbols and allure that both inspires and hinders us. Years ago, I made a conscious choice to align with the Highest aspect of myself, but I knew that I could not do that without serving my wounds with compassion and unconditional love. This has meant spending time with my Shadow, my Inner Child and my Unconscious Mind AND living my life as well as I could knowing that something was broken inside. I could not face my Highest Good without looking my Shadow in the face.

Yesterday’s journey within was super enlightening because it was that switch that needed flipping. I needed to stop believing that I am illegitimate, and I needed to stop ACTING like I was illegitimate. I needed to stop making choices in men, friends, and ideologies that reflected the disempowerment and disenfranchisement of the illegitimate.

This morning, I awoke with panic in my heart. My mind was swirling with the ideas that plague the illegitimate soul. I sat there with this fear, and I peered at it from my new standpoint. I saw this fear through the eyes of power and I said in integrity, “You are not real.” And you know what? I believed Me. The fear fell away like pieces of a mask, and I was left with a mind light with ideas, optimism and plans.

2016 is the end of an era. The tides are turning as we roll into December. Look around and see where parts of you want dying. That’s right. I said DYING. Death and rebirth are an integral part of the human experience… hell, it defines LIFE. So I ask you– what part of you wants to be released so that your Soul can don a new jacket, a new face, a new pwespective, a new experience?

My work as a healer and Spiritual Empowerment Coach is all about helping folks transform. Transformation is the death and rebirth cycle in loving action. That caterpillar had to die to itself in order for the butterfly to awaken. I am done with caterpillaration and hibernation. It’s time to spread my wings! Actually, this is not yet true. I need a little more time to allow the Shadowed Self to sing its death song. I need also to mourn the mask I wore so solidly for 46 years. I also need some rest! Transformation needs integration. And for that, I personally need some time!

Book in for a complimentary Discovery Session with me and let me help you get to the bottom of whatever might be holding you back. Send me a private message and I’ll set it up for you. Or you can book yourself in with this link:


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  1. Donna Petruso
    December 1, 2016 / 5:02 am

    Hey cutie pie! I hope you are enjoying a cafe for me! I have enjoyed Angellah’s visit, and sadly, she will winging back to CA on Friday. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season in the city of lights, nest-pas? French is rusty;) I hope that life is rewarding and all that you hope it to be. Namaste.

  2. December 1, 2016 / 10:51 am

    Thanks for your comment, Donna. I hope you enjoyed the article. And I’ve been in contact with Angellah over the week. I wish I could have MORE. I would love to see my dear friend in the flesh! And I hope that you are well, Beloved Lady!

Here I am! Eccomi qui!

Florence, Italy


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